Managing Relationships Paper 1
Individual: Managing Relationships Paper
XCOM/200 FOUNDATIONS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
February 19, 2012
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I once heard that if a person is looking for love they will find it, it when they stop looking that it will eventually find them. Love is an unwarranted word, it has no true meaning, it is only an expression of a feeling that a person has for something or somebody. The Love a person expresses towards their mother is not the same type of love that they feel towards their pet or their spouse. Love comes in many different degrees and is expressed differently.
Many people, whether consciously or unconsciously believe that love is a sensation (whether physical or an emotional attraction) that magically generates when they feel that Mr. or Mrs. Right appears. The thing with love is that people can fall out of love just as easily as they fall in love. Maybe this is why so many people are single, (Manolson, G, (2002)
The only relationship that I am in is with my wife, Victoria Marie Blessing. We met each other in October 2008, but really did not get to know each other until a couple of months later. Just because you know a person by name does not mean that you actually know that person.
Our relationship is at an intimate level. However; it did start out as a “relationship of circumstance” because neither of us was looking for someone to form a relationship with, she just dialed the wrong phone number. Actually it started out as a sexual relationship, because we were both horny and lonely and then it developed into a personal relationship and then over time we decided that we did want to form an intimate relationship.
I was living in Colorado a few years ago, I was on the phone with my ex-girlfriend when I got
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a beep came in, I switched over to the other line and there was this voice that entranced me. After twenty minutes trying to explain that she had called the wrong number, she finally understood and was ready to hang up. I stated that I was not doing anything and that if she was not busy, did she mind talking for awhile, she accepted and we ended up talking for four hours that night.
After that first week we hit it off and we spent every weekend together, sometimes with her staying for the entire week. I did not plan on forming a serious relationship with anybody, but I totally enjoyed being with her that after four months of hanging out that I know that I did not want to be without her, so I asked her to marry me and she accepted.
Our relationship is based on each other being open and honest with the other, everything that we do we discuss with each other so that later in life there was no misunderstanding of anything. When I am not at work or in school I try to spend as much time with Vicki as I can because I do totally enjoy being with her. One of the things that attracted me to her is her voice, but also the fact that we are so different. We are both private people even though I do at times communicate with our neighbors, as she is just content to stay at home and not talk to others. It is hard for her to communicate with people that she does not know, for some reason she does not trust people, it has to do with too many people screwing her over.
Our relationship is symmetric relationship, we do not try to dominate over each other, our relationship has always been of the interdependent nature. Even though at this time she is very sick, I try to do whatever I can to make things easier on her. We have an open and honest
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relationship and allow each other their own space when we feel that it is needed. Our relationship is based on honesty, communication and compromise, neither of us does anything without discussing it with the other. Even though I am the only one working, I feel that the money is both of ours because I believe that since we are married then she also has say so over how the money is spend the money and vise versa. I feel that once a couple gets married then everything should be shared equally, not what is mine is mine and what is yours is yours. A relationship cannot endure unless both parties have an equal amount of power within the relationship.
According to the text it would refer to our relationship as having Referent Power; “Referent power is power that comes from our attraction to another person, or the charisma a person possesses. We let people we like influence us. We change our behavior to meet their demands or desires because we are attracted to them”. (Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M, (2008). To me; it means that people may change some things within their lives (compromise) in order to meet the needs of the other person.
I think attraction is important in a relationship; the two people have to be attracted to each other in order to keep the relationship together. Even though my wife has lost quite a bit of weight due to being sick, I still find her beautiful and am still attracted to her as I was the first day that I met her. I do not think that power should have any play in a relationship or it should at
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least be shared equally, to me a relationship is based on Love, honesty, compassion and compromise.
I think that the one area that we need to work on is communication because with me having to work all day and then come home and go directly into school we do not get much time to sit and talk too much anymore. On her side of it, with her being as sick as she has been lately, she is a bit cranky and not in much of a mood to talk. With me being close to finishing this segment of my schooling I will have the time to sit and talk with her more. With her finally getting accepted for insurance she is now able to get the medical attention that she needs.
Even though I do try to comfort and support her while she is sick, I feel that there is more that I should do, sometimes I feel helpless because I know how much pain she is going through, but there is nothing that I can do for her! With her being sick like this, it puts more of a strain on me because it is up to me to work, do school, cook, clean and do the laundry and shopping. Because I do love her I “Grin and bear it” because I do know that now that she is seeing a doctor then she will get better and back to being herself. The only thing that I can do is be supportive and try to comfort as much as I can and to be tolerant because of her condition. I do constantly let her know how I feel about her so that she does not worry so much!
Plus I know how unhappy she is living here in Florida, so when she is able we plan on going back to Colorado. Which is we are both looking forward since we want to buy some land in or
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near the mountains and build a cabin. I just want to make her happy, and I know that if I can get her back to Colorado she will be, and the bonus is that I want to go back as well.
A relationship is like a car, it has to be worked on to keep it going, without proper maintenance and care it will die on you, just like a relationship, you have to maintain it or it will fall apart. For a relationship to prosper there must be honesty, trust, communication and compromise. All in all, people and items are completely two different things, but I’m sure that for those who put so much effort into shining and upgrading their latest ride, put the same love and care into the people that mean something to them, they would see there can be nothing but smooth cruising for the long road ahead.
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Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. (2008). Interpersonal communication: Relating to’
others (5th ed.). Boston, MA: Pearson.
Manolson, G, (2002), What is Love, “HEAD TO HEART” Published by Targum Press